International Adoption Fees Breakdown

I know that most of you readers would like to know why adoption costs so much, and where all of the money goes?  We are wanting to raise $40,000 to help cover the costs associated with our adoption. I thought it would be helpful for all who would like to donate to know how your money will be spent and for what.  Ultimately all of these fees mean an abandoned boy gets his very own family. He can be lifted out of the crib he is confined to every day and live a normal and happy life.  I know that once we have him home the $40,000 is going to seem like NOTHING.  In fact, I can imagine us saying, "Man, if it had cost three times that, we still would have found a way to pay for you!"  Can you imagine putting a price on one of your children?  I certainly can't. 

It seriously breaks my heart that something like money can stand in the way of such a basic need.  For a child to have a family and be loved.  I think so many people want to adopt but can't afford it.  It is too scary to imagine comign up with the fees, so they opt not to eve try.  $40,000 pays for a new car, which so many of us readily buy because we "need" it.  Oh how off the mark my desires have been in my life.  I wish I would have known more about the conditions orphans face when I was younger.  I wish I could have started giving a long time ago. I think of all the money I wasted on such meaningless things that I don't even own anymore!  Hopefully I can make up for all the lost time of not doing my part to better the world through this process. To help save a forgotten child in need and bring him love, support, happiness, health and most importantly FAITH. 

Please help by donating to our cause.  Every dollar counts.  Even if it is just $5!  $40,000 isn't just going to magically appear in our bank account one day.  (Or maybe it will.  Wouldn't that be nice?!) We need people like YOU to contribute to help build to that amount.  We know your life will be blessed by making a contribution in whatever way you can.  Thank you!

*The fees I have written out below are all moving numbers.  It is a general guideline to let adoptive parents know what to expect.  They can vary by agency, country laws and date*

INTERCOUNTRY HOMESTUDY FEE SCHEDULE

(Not all these apply to every adoption case)

Application Fee: $350 payable with the application and will include initial phone information

conferences and the opening of a family file with the Agency.

Homestudy Evaluation:

Non- Hague Home study:  $2,200 Payable to initiate your home study process and $1,000 with the last outstanding document. (This includes three notarized home studies, notarized Agency licenses, notarized Social Worker's licenses, notarized post adoption verification documents, and notarized interagency agreement (if needed).  Any other additional documents produced will include notary charge of $10.)

Hague Home study: $2,500 payable.  $1,250 to initiate yur home study process and $1,250 with the last outstanding document.  (This includes three notarized home studies, notarized Agency licenses, notarized Social Worker's licenses, notarized post adoption verification documents, and notarized interagency agreement (if needed).  Any other additional documents produced will include notary charge of $10.)

 

Homestudy Update: $500 for home study updates which USCIS approval has not expired;

payable before the home study update process.

Refundable Retainer: $200 due when homestudy is delivered and refundable when all adoption paperwork from the foreign country is received by the Agency within ten days of your arrival home with your child.

Post Adoption Report Fees: $300 per child, per report. This payment is due, for all reports required, prior to delivery of home study. Notarization, apostilling and authentication are included if required by your country of adoption. This service also includes many conferences and discussions with you after your child arrives.

Readoption Services: $700 for one child, full readoption service. $400 for one child partial
readoption service. It is recommended that you readopt your child in California. This will provide California birth certificates for your child. Service includes supervision meetings and development of the Superior Court reports and other required paperwork.

Placement Agency Fee:  $4,200

Additional Documents: If additional, customized documents are needed for your placing
agency, additional fees may be charged.

PLACEMENT FEES AND EXPENSES FOR RUSSIA

Service and Support Fee:  For the adoption of one child age 8-24 months $9,400

Fees in U.S. Prior to Travel

Parents' Visa to enter Russia:  $600-$800 per person, per multiple entry visa

Russian Registration Refundable Retainer:  $1,000 per child ($150 registration fee)

Dossier Preparation (Notarization, Authentication, Apostille): up to $2,500 (determined by your state's administrative fees)

Dossier Administration Fee:  $400 (due with the submission of your dossier)

Travel Insurance:  Family Responsibility

Airfare to Russia (3 separate trips):  Family Responsibility

Fees Paid in Russia while Traveling:  The fees below are standard for every family and are in addition to the fees listed above.

Foreign Fee:  $7,100 per child

Daily Support Fee (including coordinator driver, translator, and support staff):  $230 per day

Notary Fees:  15,000 RUBLES

Hotel Fees:  $200-$400 per night, dpending on region

Travel to child's region:  $1,000 (approximate) per person, per trip

**in addition, families are responsible for a portion of the Coordinator's travel costs

Parent's "8 doctor medical"  $750 per adoptive parent

**medical fees ae determined by the medical clinic in Russia and are subject to change without notice

Child's Russian Passport:  $150 per child

Russian Adoption Document Tax:  $200 per child

Document Translation and Authentication:  $1,200 one child

Child's Medical Visit:  $200 per child

Child's US Visa:  $400 per child

USCIS Application Fee (for second, unrelated child) $670 per child



High Highs and Low Lows

Forgive me if this a long and rambling post.  I have so much emotion in me ranging from love to anger this week, and I just needed to sit down and sort of vent.  I think it may help.  Just keep in mind, venting is healthy and it can be a benefit to people in sorting out their true emotions and move forward with a better attitude.  I'm just having a moment...

This week I launched Team Tiny Tot.  The past month I have been building our website, planning, and preparing our first fundraiser called the Baby Bottle Campaign.  It has been so time consuming, and I have noticed that summer has sort of gotten away from me.  I have only gone to the beach once, the pool twice and the park...  Hmm?  Have I gone to the park?  Anyways, I feel kinda bad because I have three little ones who could be out having a blast, but I figure they are all under the age of 4, and have been perfectly content with just hangin' out at home.  I guess that's one of the good things about having little ones who don't really know any better.  Occasionally I get the girls asking if we can go to the zoo, but I always follow that one up with, "It's too hot baby". I really shouldn't feel too bad because here in San Diego, the fall and winter are the perfect weather for zoo and park days galore and anyone who knows me knows that I am a zoo and park maniac! 

The past few weeks have been rather difficult for me emotionally.  I am preparing for my husband to come home after 9.5 months of being deployed on the other side of the world!  I have been overwhelmingly busy taking care of our three kids, going to church, taking Zumba class 3 days a week, trying to keep the house sanitary, my kids happy, building a website, blogging and now fundraising!  It's go go go for me.  This really just is the story of my life.

So ever since we decided to adopt and I began researching, I have found several themes stand out amongst the rest, from people who have experienced the process.  I keep seeing and hearing that the adoption process puts you through the ringer of emotions and you will experience the highest highs and the lowest lows of anything else you have pursued.  The first things that came to my mind about highest highs in this process are seeing our child's photo and profile for the first time, booking our flights to Russia, meeting our child and taking him home.  The lowest lows I can imagine being delays and setbacks with paperwork and legalities which end up drawing the process out.  Leaving our child in Russia after meeting him and accepting him and going back to America for months awaiting our court date. Then after the second trip having to leave him again for 30 days before we can go back and actually retrieve him.  Those are the major issues I know I need to prepare myself for.  What I was not expecting were all of the little things that have been happening this early in the process that have already set this cycle of emotional turmoil in motion!

It is a common occurrence for me to be sitting on my computer after all of the kids are in bed, teary eyed and sometimes balling my eyes out as I read blogs of families who have adopted or are in the process, or watching videos of a family's entire process from start to finish.  Sometimes I just feel drained from crying, from being excited, from anticipation of what our story will be like. 


We need to come up with $40,000 to pay for our adoption fees.  This includes adoption agency fees, attorney fees, travel fees, Russian legal fees, lodging fees, translator fees, notary fees... the list goes on and on!  Who has that kind of money just sitting around?  Well not us, and not most people who want to adopt.  One of the things Keiffer said from the beginning is, "We can't be irresponsible and put our family in a financial crisis".  With a mortgage, a wife and three kids to think about, this makes complete sense for him to say.  So in comes the fundraising.  I have read that is very common for families to raise the funds to pay for their adoption.  So many people out there are willing to donate to such a good cause.  I got pumped up and was optimistic from the get-go.  A little apprehensive at how people would respond and at what level, but confident that Heavenly Father would assist me and help open people's hearts up to our cause.

Once ready to launch everything on August 1st, I was excited and nervous.  I don't think people really know the time, effort and emotion that goes into things like this.  They probably just see a Facebook page go up and are like, "Oh, just another thing someone is posting".  I realize that some people use Facebook and other platforms for pretty petty things, and some even spam the heck out of other's walls. This is something that I really felt was going to spike people's interests.  Especially all of my 200+ family and friends on Facebook!

My first fundraiser called The Baby Bottle Campaign is where I would give someone a bottle and ask that she hold on to it for a month and fill it with her loose household change.  A day prior to launching our cause online, I called around to get my 20 people to commit to taking one baby bottle and handing out 4 additional bottles to neighbors, friends, family members, or other members from church.  "How easy is that?", I thought.  Here is where the roller coaster of this week began.  I started calling people and noticed my level of stress and fear was escalating.  As I spoke with person after person I  would go from being supremely confident to totally defeated.  I felt fantastic when enthusiastic friends replied things like, "I would LOVE to help out!  I think it is so wonderful what you guys are doing and I want to support you in any way I can!".  I felt totally embarrassed and uncomfortable when I had people say no.  I didn't really have many people say no.  Just one actually.  That one was enough to trump all the other "yes" responses I got. 

I think it's funny how human nature works.  We can be complimented 100 times by people about something, but when one person says something negative, that's all you can think about.  Forget all the positives, lets just dwell on the negative.  Just a little background here, I made a point since this is my very first fundraiser of many to contact only people I know love me or who I figure I have a close enough relationship that they would be willing to help me out.  I didn't just randomly call everyone I know in San Diego.  I really needed this fundraiser to go well, so I could build some momentum and confidence. 

So here are the details of my defeating conversation.  I called someone I am more of an acquaintance with, but have had such a good relationship over the past 3 years, that I figured she would be readily willing to help our cause.  I explained what we are doing and was met by a uncomfortable pauses, a few excuses of how it may not work for her, followed by some other excuses of how she wouldn't be able to find anyone else to do it either.  She settled on, "Well, I will take one for myself".  After feeling a little weird once I got off the phone, I had to kind-of regroup as my anxiety was lifting.  I went into the bedroom and noticed I had huge sweat marks on my t-shirt under my arms!  This was really taking a toll on me.  I didn't realize that I would feel this way.  I think it is because this is so personal and we are 100% certain that we are adopting this baby boy.  He is already a part of our family and any kind of negativity or rejection I come across, I fear because of being offended or my feelings hurt.  Calling around was the first time I would see how a large group of people feel about what we are doing.

About 20 minutes later I got a call from this woman's husband.  When he said who he was, I thought "I love this guy!  I bet he is calling to say he has a bunch of work friends he can give the extra bottles his wife thought she didn't have anyone to give to".  NOPE!  He said he heard about what we are doing and he doesn't feel comfortable participating and would like to "opt out".  That would be all fine and everything if he didn't follow it up by saying, "I just don't feel confident in how the money will be spent". I kindly said, "Okay.  Well we have a website www.teamtinytot.com where you can go and read our story and what we are doing, and you can let me know if you change your mind".  When I got off the phone I wanted to die.  I wanted to curl up in a ball and cry.  I wanted my husband to be there with me to wrap his arms around me and say, "Everything is going to be okay.  Forget about him.  He is just one person.  Look at all the other people who love you and want to support you!".  But I didn't have him there...

That very short conversation and something seemingly so small, made such a HUGE impression on me.  It would be one thing if this was a third party or fourth party asking for donations about someone they didn't know, but this is a couple I go to church with.  They know our family, our kids, our story. They see me at church with my three kids by myself every single Sunday no fail.  I felt totally offended by his comment because it brought into question my integrity.  He didn't even want to know anything about our cause and automatically just assumed that I'm not trustworthy enough for him to give probably less than $10 to in change!  How insulting is that?!

My favorite quote I use in situations that make me feel down or defeated is, "What would Donald Trump do?"  Sounds silly, but Donald Trump is one of my idols and such an inspiration.  Both him and Anthony Robbins.  I always feel better when I ask myself that question.  I usually follow it up with answering, "He wouldn't give up. He wouldn't even see it as a bump in the road.  He would brush it off and never give it a second thought."  Success doesn't come from hanging onto negative feelings or allowing the naysayers to stop you from progressing.

The rest of this week has been trying to get people to "like" our Facebook page and distribute the last of the 96 bottles I had.  My first goal was to get to 50 likes in the first week.  I am nearly there!  It is a little frustrating though that more of my immediate family members and good friends haven't liked my page.  I see them on Facebook posting.  I sent them individual messages about my page, yet nothing.  Hmm?  Like I said before, I think some people just don't realize the amount of effort, stress and emotion that go into these things.

I was feeling really low yesterday.  A few people that I really care about haven't gotten back to me about the the Baby Bottle Campaign and I know they are just avoiding me.  I am not being paranoid, I just know how they are whenever I text or call and leave messages regarding anything else and I get an almost immediate response back.  Now four days go by and I have messaged, texted and called and no response back? 

I hopped on Facebook and to my delight I saw a woman whom I don't know post a photo on Team Tiny Tot's page of her children doing a pancake fundraiser to benefit our adoption!  She even had a huge banner professionally printed with our logo on it!  I literally stared crying.  I was overwhelmed with finding out that a complete stranger would do this for us.  Here I am stressing about what my best friends and family will say when I ask them to help us fundraise, and a perfect stranger has gone to all of this effort to bless us! 

I then went to check my email and saw that one of my dear friends had made a very generous donation into our Paypal account!  I was so floored.  I thought, "Heavenly Father, are you trying to tell me something?".  It's like I experience these low lows and they are followed up with these high highs!  I feel like I am on a flippin' rollercoaster ride!

This has caused me to ponder so many things.  I don't know how anyone can be a celebrity or in the public eye.  I feel sorry for people running for president or celebrities posted in the tabloids.  How difficult it must be having so many people love you but at the same time so many people hate you.  One person is writing a gleeming accalaid and another is digging up dirt on you and posting it on the internet! Keiffer wants to be a politician, but man I don't know if I could hadle our family and myself being dragged through the mud! 

So here I am just trying to do something good for an abandoned baby boy sitting in an orphanage.  I just thought that it was something everyone, epsecially my Christian friends would be all for.  I was wrong.  People are people, and everyone has an opinion.  I keep getting the most frustrating question from people, "Aren't there children here in America that you could adopt?".  This question is totally legit to ask, and I welcome it when it comes from loving hearts who are really just curious and don't know how adoption works.  What I can't stand is ignorant people who make snide comments about how there are so many children in America that need to be adopted.  Insinuating that our choice to adopt from Russia is ridiculous when there are children right here in our own country who need to be adopted.  In a way we are looked down upon like we are thoughtless human beings or something to not choose an American. These comments usually come from people who would never adopt, and who have no clue about the process.  They present this question in a way that suggests that one person is better than another based off of where they live.  What I really want to say is, "Oh really?  I didn't know that.  Could you educate me more on this?", just to be smart.  I HATE generalizations about adoption.  I HATE ignorance.  I HATE it when people tell me, "Oh, I've heard you shouldn't adopt from Russia!  All the kids have all sorts of disorders". I especially hate it when people try to change my mind about adopting.  Those that have the attitude, "If you're gonna adopt you better adopt an American or you shouldn't do it at all!".

Today I had another person come up to me and say that her friend is adamat about people not adopting from Russia.  She actually asked me if I wanted her phone number so I can talk with her.  (Friend, if you are reading this, I am not mad at you.  I love you. I am just trying to use this as an example because it has come up multiple times with different people).  Of course I don't want her phone number!  Why in the world would I want to talk to someone who wants to tell me all about someone whom she knows and her bad experience to disway me from adopting from Russia?  So many people keep asking me, "Do you know what you are getting yourself into?".  "Have you researched this out and know the risks?".

Seriously people?  Here is my response to you.

"No.  I have not researched this at all.  I have no clue what my risks of adopting a child from Russia are.  I didn't know there are children here in America that need to be adopted.  I have three children whose lives I am putting at risk by bringing in a child I will know little about.  You know what?  This is all just too scary and too risky.  I'm just gonna bag the whole deal and have my own biological child like I had originally planned and live in my comfortable world. I am going to forget what I know about Russian orphans sitting in cribs all day without a family yar after year. Thank you for helping me come to my senses!"

In all reality, this is NOT how I feel.  I just wasn't expecting all of this judgement and questioning of my ability to make sound decisions.  Like I said, I am just venting.  My real response to everyone is this:

"I have researched American adoption, and have found that there are not infact children readily available who are within the age range we would like to adopt.  There is a misconception about how readily available children are to be adopted out of the foster care system in America.  We have researched the International adoption process, narrowed it down by country based off of several different criterea, and feel that adopting from Russia is what is best for our family.  We know the risks, but fortunately the risks can be assessed and reduced prior to our accepting a child.  Every child deserves a family of his own.  Disabled, deformed, diseased or completely healthy and normal.  A child deserves to be loved.  If we don't adopt, who will?  What would Jesus do?  What does He teach us to do?  We are following a prompting that has been given to us.  This is our calling and we are heeding to His will.  Please be supportive.  Be sensitive.  Help us spread the word.  Help us raise the money we need to make this dream a reality.  Go to our website, read our blog, follow our story and perhaps one day you will see that what we are doing or what we did was worth it.  Just because adoption isn't right for you, or you don't understand what we are doing, doesn't mean it's not right for us."

As I wrote in a prior post, I just need to develop a thick skin.  I need to keep my eye on the prize and not let ignorant people or setbacks get me down.  I need to understand that not everyone is going to be passionate about this.  Not everyone is going to want to help us.  I can't expect that because someone is my family member or goes to my church, that they will see adoption in the way I do. This is a sad realization to come to.  I can see how this process is going to change me more than I can even begin to comprehend.  That I will probably lose friends because of it.  That I will gain other friends because of it.  All in all, it will be worth it.  It's not about everyone else.  It's about the baby boy we will be saving.  It's about my husband and me and our children.  It's about God and His will.  I don't need to conscern myself with other people's opinions.  In the end it's not them who will be going through this process and living with this decison.  I need to place my efforts on surrounding myself with positive people.  Friends and family that love me and are excited about what we are doing.  I needto continue to find a support network of people out there who have experienced adoption from themselves.   

(NOTE:  I wrote this blog on 8-5-12.  As soon as I saved the draft and logged out of Blogger, I checked my email and saw a donation that was just made by a friend for over $500!  This just goes to show that Heavenly Father really is running this game.  The title of this blog is too fitting for this journey. When something gets me feeling really low it is always backed by something happening that brings me really high!  God has a sense of humor I tell you!  I looked up toward the sky laughing and with a grateful heart I said, "Okay, I hear you, I hear you!".  I actually felt silly for letting that one guy not wanting to fill a baby bottle with change effect me so much, and here someone is donating $500 toward our cause! For letting comments by ignorant people get in the way of my happiness.  Yet another lesson learned.)

Released From Prison

My brother Ryan has been incarcerated for the past 11 years and was finally released on July 24th, 2012.  He was placed in prison after an unfortunate circumstance where his driving under the influence killed a 21 year old young man.  He was placed in a maximum security prison in Missouri along side rapists, murderers and pedophiles.  I don't know about you, but I happened to know more than a dozen people including myself who at one point or another in their lives have gotten behind the wheel of a car while under the influence.  How fortunate most of us are that the repercussions of such irresponsible actions weren't like those for my brother or the victim.

Most people, including my immediate family forgot about my brother.  It was just my mom and me who stood by him the whole time.  We were the only people he had to call.  The only people to send him money. The only people to send him letters and photos.  His only contact with the outside world and only sources of encouragement for him to keep his head on straight.  Out of sight out of mind I guess.  Life just keeps moving for most, and I know how easy it can be to get wrapped up in your own life and not think about the realities others are enduring.

This past year has been the long awaited countdown.  Each letter and conversation was all about how excited but how nervous my brother was about getting released.  While serving his time, he did everything he could to make it so he had the best chance of succeeding when released.  11 years he served and was disconnected from the real world.  11 YEARS!  Can you even imagine?  Stop and ponder this for a minute.  I am 32, and I am just thinking about everything I have done in my life since I was 21.  It is just unfathomable for me to think about the life my brother has been forced to live this whole time.  He has lived in an 8'x6' cell with just a single bed, tattered mattress, sink, toilet and a folded down desk.  He has been wearing the same uniform of blue drawstring pants and a white t-shirt for 11 years.  He has had to take his clothes off for guards, bend over and cough about 6 times a day.  He has worn shoes in the shower this entire time!  He has had to watch his back and witness murders right there in the prison yard. I could go on and on about the craziness that he has endured, but that would take forever.  I think he should write a book.

I hadn't spoke with Ryan in 3 or 4 weeks and was wondering what was going on.  I knew he was scheduled for release around the end of July, but hadn't gotten word until just the other week when he called me from a cell phone enthusiastically exclaiming that he had been released that morning.  The last I had heard from him, he had chosen to go from the prison to a halfway house where he would get some assistance with finding a job, and getting on his feet.  Then when we moved to Maryland he would transfer to live with us.  To my surprise, Ryan told me that an ex-girlfriend of his who knew he was getting out of prison had moved to St. Lewis, got them an apartment with very little money in her pocket, scrounged up some used furnishings and basic needs, and picked Ryan up from prison!  He was ecstatic and just as surprised as me... probably way more! 

It is such a joy to listen to him talk on the phone.  The appreciation he has for the tiniest things that you or I would never even notice.  He went to a Chinese restaurant and with eyes nearly popping out of his head from all of the choices he had, he pointed and picked what would become the best meal on the planet!  Being able to wake up in the middle of the night, get out of bed and go into the kitchen to grab a glass of water.  Stepping into the shower for the first time without shoes on.  Sitting on his front porch and watching the neighbor water his lawn.  Can you even imagine the kind of gratitude and awe he is experiencing right now?

As soon as Ryan got out of prison, he hit the ground running getting his life started.  He was given a Visa card of $500 of what he had saved during his time in prison and hit Walmart for some clothes and toiletries.  $500 isn't a lot to get a life started from scratch.  Although his girlfriend got them a place, she had worked out an arrangement with their landlord that gave them a little while to come up with the full amount for rent.  This woman is not very well off, but is doing the best she can for Ryan and herself.  Ryan told me that they are short $300 for rent and that he needs to get a job fast.  What do you do when in this type of a situation?  Well you literally walk the streets looking for work.  Yes, you heard me right.  I laughed at this a bit when he told me this is what he is doing and said, "So you're hooking yourself out?". My brother used to have his own construction company and he says the best way to get a construction job right away is to go to job sites and ask if they need extra help.  It's worked before when he needed a job, and he is confident he can do it again.  He has no motorized means for transportation so he is literally walking the streets of St. Lewis looking for work!

Ryan managed to get two job interviews lined up in one day!  I am hoping and praying for someone to give him some work.  I know that he will rock any job he is given.  After working in prison for around $.14 an hour doing hard labor, I think whoever picks him up is going to be blown away by his determination and with the quality of work they will get out of him.  Add to that a man who is desperate to survive and build a life, I'm sure whoever gives him a chance won't ever want to let him go!

One of the main concerns I had for Ryan getting out of prison was how he was going to make it.  Considering cost of living, how does someone who has been locked up for 11 years leave the system with just $500 and survive? It is almost like a homeless person being expected to just all of a sudden get washed up, have clothes for interviews, get a job, find a home, get transportation and pay bills.  I know how stressed I am over money and I have it pretty dang good in life!  I just can't even put myself in his situation right now.  It really is just an unthinkable scenario.

This reminds me of all that I have read about the statistics on children in Russia who live their whole lives in the institution and don't get adopted.  At age 15 or16 they are forced onto the streets.  They get their "freedom", but what they are really given is their death sentence.  Can you imagine a 16 year old who has never been in public before and has no income or job training and no family to take him in, being kicked out of the only home he has ever known?  What do you think the odds are of him making it?  Statistics show that nearly all of the children placed in this circumstance die in their 20's.  10% commit suicide within the first two years of "graduating" the orphanage or rather "being kicked out", and 70% of boys become hardened criminals.  The reasons very few live past their 20's is because they either kill themselves, contract a deadly communicable disease, overdose, or are killed. The statistics don't lie and it is devastating!

While talking with my brother on the phone he asked me if I can come up with the $300 to cover what they are missing for rent.  I could make a check out directly to the landlord.  At first I thought, "Well, I don't have that kind of money. I am pinching pennies as it is.  I have to pay for this and that...".  I told him that I would see what I could do for him and call him later.  When I got off the phone and pondered what he was asking, it was instantly crystal clear to me what needed to be done.  Of course I was going to come up with the money for him.  No question.  I would contribute what I could and then call around to find the rest.  Fortunately I was able to come up with it with just two phone calls to family who were more than willing to help out! 

How consumed I get with my own life.  With not having what other people have, or what I think I need.  With the mess in my home that just never seems to end.  With bills and paying off debt.  With getting to the gym right on time so I can get my perfect spot next to the instructor.  How perturbed I am when someone gets there before me and "takes" my place forcing me to stand back another row!  I know I am only human and I am just living my life.  Sometimes it takes someone else's situation to make me stop for a moment and reassess my own life.

There are people out there who really do need help.  They don't just want it.  Their livelihood and happiness actually depend on it.  I felt guilty that day after enjoying an amazing day at our pool with the kids, going grocery shopping and buying a bunch of organic food, talking on my brand new phone, and typing on my oh so perfect pink laptop.  All of these things I get to enjoy every day, yet I contemplated my ability to come up with the money for my brother who is just needing a roof over his head! I know that I deserve to enjoy the blessings that Heavenly Father gives to me, but how dare I have second guessed my providing the money that my brother so humbly asked me for.  How saddened I am at the thoughts that went through my head about the other things I "need" to do with that money.

At the same time I was feeling disappointed in myself for the moment of selfishness I had, my heart swelled with gratitude for the life that I have been blessed with and all of the amazing things I have.  I was finding even the most minute things such as cutting up a freshly picked lemon gratifying.  I looked around at my messy house and each thing piled up thinking, "Man, I love that sewing machine!  I love all those little hair clips that my girls have scattered all over the floor!"  As I unloaded my groceries I thought about how grateful I am for the privilege of having such amazing food.  

I don't know why, but I felt inspired to share this.  As I spoke with my mom on the phone the other night, I was overwhelmed with this sense that I have so much to learn in life.  I am amazed at how it is the tiniest things that happen in my life which make such significant impressions on me.  This request from my brother in need got my mind reeling about so many different things, which I will have to address individually at another date, but my message to you today is this...

Find a way to help others.

Especially when someone actually asks you for help.  I know not only from personal experience but from so many people I have talked to, that the act of an individual asking for help is extremely difficult.  I have a hard time calling people to ask to watch my kids while I go grocery shopping while my husband is deployed.  My grandma who can barely see and can't drive finds it demoralizing to ask people for help driving her to her doctor appointments.  I have a girlfriend who on several occasions has been on the brink of suicide and was too scared to ask her friends to just come be by her side or lend an ear.  My brother who just got out of prison after 11 years had to ask his little sister for money to help keep a roof over his head.  "Help" is not something that we regularly hear being shouted from the rooftops.  It is a quiet, sometimes unspoken word that people around us are whispering every day.  Make an effort to step out of your bubble and open your eyes and ears to the needs around you.  Do what you can to help make an impact in someone else's life.  I know that when my life comes close to an end I will ask myself, "What did you do with your life?  What kind of person were you?  What did you do to improve the world around you?".  I pray that I will feel fulfillment and peace with the answers I provide.