Cloth Diapering Made Easy!

The other day I was visiting with a woman who is currently in the process of adopting two children from Russia.  Her backyard was amazing.  The perfect place for kids to play all day long.  But it wasn't just the the lush fruit trees, the swing or the sandbox that caught my eye.  To my amusement and delight was the sight of an abundance of cloth diapers hanging from the patio. 

She is currently budgeting to the penny so they can afford the adoptions of their daughter and son who are currently living in Russian orphanages.  One of the things that really helps with saving is not having to buy any diapers or wipes for their 19 month old boy.

I cloth diapered my first daughter for her first 6 months, my second daughter only a few times and then decided to give it another shot with Tennyson when he was first born.  I bought a bunch of the newborn all-in-one style diapers off of Craigslist, which was a steal, and also bought some large ones for the girls for potty training.  I used them for a few months then went back to disposables once Tennyson grew out of the newborn cloth diapers.  After seeing all of these diapers hanging up, and her asking me why I don't cloth diaper, I had to stop and ask myself, "Yeah, why don't I cloth diaper?".  You know what my excuse has been and the reason I quit every time?  "I don't have a toilet sprayer to wash the poo off".  Well, how easy would it be to just order one? I let the trouble I always had with "swishing" the poopy diapers in the toilet stop me from saving thousands of dollars in the past 4 years and I was OVER it! I went home and a day later decided I was breaking out my stash, and going for it again.  I was completely out of disposable baby wipes, so it was actually perfect timing to switch. 

Here is my stash of cloth diapering essentials.  I have about 100 more of the white prefold diapers in a tote.  Every single time I break out the cloth diapers I think, "Why did I ever stop using these?  They are so easy and so cute!". 

So now, I am going to share my knowledge with all who are wondering what modern day cloth diapering looks like, and perhaps inspire some to make the switch. Or if you are expecting a baby, to consider cloth instead of disposables. Trust me, it is so easy and saves you thousands of dollars! Here is a link to a breakdown of the savings of cloth diapering FuzziBunz Cost Comparison. 

So first thing you need is some cloth baby wipes. You can buy them in all different kinds of fabrics, and there are so many places online you can find them. I just made my own out of old receiving blankets  gifted to me at my baby showers, but had never used. I washed my material, cut it into 8"x8" squares and sewed two pieces together per wipe. Super easy, and it didn't cost me anything :) To learn about how to make up a solution to wet your wipes click on this link Cloth Wipe Solutions. 

The next thing you need are diapers.  There are a lot of options out there but pretty much you are going to be choosing between a diaper wrap and an all-in-one diaper.  This is a "Thirsties" wrap.  It is a diaper cover that is made of PUL (Polyurethane Laminated Fabric) that is waterproof.  To use, you take a white prefold diaper or other diaper insert, fold it into thirds and then just lay it on the wrap.  Lay your baby on the diaper, and fasten it with the Velcro just as you would a disposable diaper.  Easy!

One benefit of using a wrap is that you can reuse the wrap over and over again throughout the day and just change the prefold inside. Since it is a waterproof material, all you need to do if your baby had a wet diaper is remove the soiled diaper, wipe the wrap down and lay a clean diaper inside!

The next option is to get an all-in-one diaper, or "pocket diaper".  This is a "FuzziBunz" which I love!  A soft fleece fabric is attached to the waterproof cover and on the back end there is a pocket where you insert either a prefold diaper or a special absorbent pad that comes with the diaper.  The good thing about the pockets is that you can stuff them as light or as full as you want depending on how heavy a wetter you have or the time of day.  They also keep the baby drier since the fleece wicks away moisture to the diaper you have stuffed into the pocket.  Just like the wrap, you simply lay your baby on the diaper and snap it together in the same fashion you would a disposable. 

I love snaps!  The good thing about snaps is your baby can't pull the diapers off as easy as Velcro.  I found out quickly that Tennyson likes to pull his Velcro diapers off.  Not because he doesn't like them, but because it is so fun to do so! 

Now for the most important thing for cloth diapering success, I swear.  This was like the make it or break it for me.  The toilet sprayer!  I have never had one of these, hence my reverting back to disposable diapers on three different occasions. When it would come time to get the poo off the diaper, I would have to swish the diaper in the toilet, flush, swish again, flush again, and then put the diaper in the pail and flush one more time!  It was so gross and so annoying! I hated how much water I was wasting too.  I just bought my first sprayer that has already changed the whole cloth diapering game for me in a huge way.  I feel so empowered now that I have the right tool! 

The sprayer I got is called a Mini-Shower and cost me about $55 and I installed it myself in about 5 minutes.  In addition to using it for my diapers, I have also used it to clean my toilet and for personal hygiene.  I seriously wish someone would have told me about this earlier in my life, and especially after having a baby or during my cycle!  Who doesn't want that fresh out of the shower feeling, or clean water to spray the toilet down after washing it?

So how do you clean a poopy diaper?  When your baby has a poo you wipe his bum with a baby wipe, put the wipe inside the diaper and roll it up. Then after you have put another diaper on your baby, take the soiled diaper to the toilet and unroll. Turn the sprayer on and hose off the poo from the wipe and then the diaper. If you have an all-in-one diaper, pull out the inserts from the pocket, and toss in the hamper first before rinsing the liner.  Once rinsed and in the hamper, flush the toilet and you are done.  Don't forget to wash your hands ;)

Another essential, which I didn't have before is a water proof reusable "wet bag".  It is made out of PUL just like the diaper covers and is for all of your wet diapers and wipes.  The cool thing about this is that you don't have to keep using wasting plastic bags to line your hamper or wash out your hamper if you don't have a liner! When you are ready to wash your diapers, simply grab the bag with everything in it and toss them all into the washing machine!  EASY!  They also make small ones with zippers or drawstrings to bring with you on the go so cloth diapering can be nearly as easy and convenient as disposables.

Inside the hamper.

Since the point of cloth diapering is to save money and the environment, it is important to use the right detergent to wash them.  Regular detergents, bleach, fabric softeners and drier sheets all have ingredients that will break the diapers down, especially the PUL, and make the diapers repel liquid instead of absorb it.  This is a detergent called Rock In Green and it only takes between 1 and 3 Tbsp per load depending on the load size and the kind of washer you have.  This amounts to just pennies per load!

The general rule of thumb for washing cloth diapers is to run them in a rinse cycle, then a warm wash cycle, and then one extra rinse cycle.  If you have particularly soiled ones, or just want extra sanitation, you can run a soak cycle instead of the first rinse cycle.

Once washed, dry your diapers on a clothesline in the sun.  The sun not only dries the diapers, but it bleaches the stains as well!  Most of the pads and prefolds you get with the diapers are made of hemp, fleece or wool.  All which dry nicely in the sun and retain their softness.  I have just been using my plain old cotton prefolds, and have noticed that they get crunchy in the sun and feel pretty harsh.  I will be going back to drying those in the drier, but still line drying all of the covers and all-in-ones.  Once a month, the manufacturers of the covers suggest you dry them in the drier for about 20 minutes on high to re-seal the PUL fabric.  Do not dry more than the manufacturer's recommendations, as this can ruin the water proof of your diaper and also cause it to break down.

 

Voila!  It's that easy.  Wouldn't it be so nice to have your little one wearing one of these adorable reusable cloth diapers? Ah, sweet relief from the endless disposables!

Above is Tennyson all snuggly in his FuzziBunz and below is him showing off his Thirsties.

FOR ALL YOU CRAFTY MOMS:

If you want to be extra frugal and super cool like me, you can make your own diapers!!  Although I have a great stash of diapering essentials, I have found that the diapers I do have don't quite fit Tennyson perfectly at the size he is right now.  They make diapers that are literally one size, from birth to potty training, but none of the diapers I bought are one-size.  They are small, medium and large.  My Thirsties are size medium and seem a bit small for Tennyson and he's not gonna stop growing.  My FuzziBunz I had bought for potty training my girls and are size large, so a tad too big.  So in the mean time, I am making my own size medium pocket diapers using the pattern and materials from Babyville Boutique sold at Joann Fabric stores. The thing I like about diapers that are sized in small, medium and large are that they are slimmer than the one-size diapers which adjust not only in the waist and the thighs, but in the rise as well. It is obviously cheaper to buy one-sized diapers that will last you the whole time you are diapering your baby, but since I started out with the multiple sizes, the cheaper route for me right now is to just make my own in the size I don't currently have. Here is a photo of the supplies I bought for my first 3 all-in-one diapers. 

And here is how my first diaper turned out!  LOVE IT!

I'm not kidding you, every time I change my baby's diaper I feel like giving myself a pat on the back.  I feel like someone is standing next to me saying, "You're such a good mommy"!  Not only am I saving money and the environment, but I am putting some seriously soft material on my baby's bum bum and snuggling him with coziness :)  Hopefully you will decide to try it yourself.  It's so great!

PLEASE VISIT OUR WEBSITE:  www.TeamTinyTot.com

Adoption Agency Visit

Last week I had an appointment at an adoption agency called Adoption Options here in San Diego. I would have blogged about it last week, but I was totally consumed with building our website, so I didn't have the time.  I was so nervous driving there because everything felt so real.  I couldn't believe that I was actually going to an adoption agency to learn more!  I had butterflies in my stomach of nervousness, excitement and anxiety.  I was just praying that I wouldn't learn something that would freak me out, make me feel icky inside and cause me to rethink the whole thing.

When I arrived I was greeted pleasantly by an office full of pictures hanging on the walls.  There was a huge bulletin board of orphans that had been placed with families through the agency, and it was so nice to see actual local families and the types of children that they adopted.  The children were all so adorable and looked totally normal.  Like they could be any of my friend's kids.  I literally was thinking in my head as I went from picture to picture, "I totally would have adopted that child!". 

I met with the Executive Director named Brent.  He showed me to his office where again, I saw pictures all over the wall.  There was this amazing photo of two identical twin baby girls that he had just placed.  They were adorable!  Most of the other photos he had up in his office were of older kids that he had placed that hold a special place in his heart.  Older children are much harder to place than younger ones, so it is very special to him when these children were saved through adoption. 

On the bulletin board in the reception area I was surprised to see a family whom I had watched their adoption journey on Youtube.  I brought it up to Brent and he was happy to give me their contact information. I was very excited, as their journey and their son are just amazing!

I had a ton of questions for him, which provoked him to comment, "You're a researcher aren't you?".  I'm not sure if it was the hour long phone conversation I had with him, or the following daily calls the week prior to our meeting, but I guess I come off as someone who needs to know all the facts, and analyze them.  I won't go into the whole conversation, and what was discussed, because that would take forever.  I will be writing separate blogs about each piece of the process as it comes. I will, however, share some key topics of discussion shared during this meeting.

The two main reasons I made the appointment with the agency was to see if it is the right agency for us, and also to see for myself what a referral picture and medical record looks like.  To my delight, the office was clean, I loved the photos everywhere showing off the children and families, and Brent was very warm and welcoming.  I got a good sense of who he is, what the agency can do for me, and how the whole process will work if I go with them.  Up on his wall was a large map of Russia.  He pointed out that his agency works in about 25 different "regions" within the country from about the middle of Russia to the Western border near Moscow and St. Petersburg. Since Russia is so huge, a "region" is kind-of like an American state.  The huge bonus about their agency is they specialize in Russian adoption, and they work with a plethora of orphanages. The only other countries they work with are Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan and one just one area in Mexico. Ask anyone who is really close to me and they will tell you that I am a nut for specialists.  If I have a stomach ache, send me to a gastroenterologist.  If it's a back ache, send me to a chiropractor.  It it's a pimple, send me to a dermatologist.  No general practitioners for me.  Call me anal.  Call me paranoid. Call me a hypochondriac.  I just like knowing that whoever is doing the work, knows their subject well and does it all the time.  Gives me a warm and fuzzy inside.

Most agencies will only work in a few regions, so the pool of children is smaller, making the waiting process for being matched with a child longer.  He says that baby boys are readily available, and he is literally turning down children because he doesn't have enough families who want baby boys.  He says once our home study is approved, which takes around 2 months, it should be only 2 weeks before we get our first referral and if we accept him, we will be flying to Russia just 2 weeks after that!  So total time between applying with the agency for our home study and actually being in Russia visiting our baby will be just 3 months! This is of course assuming that we accept our first referral.  He told me that before the big economic downturn, his agency was placing around 60 children a year.  This last year it was around 24.  Families just can't afford the adoption process so they opt not to pursue it. We can't afford it either as it is around $40,000.  That isn't going to stop us from doing it though.  We are going to spread the word and pray with all our mights that we can raise the money.  Whatever we don't raise, we will figure out how to afford it.

Brent got some files out and showed me about 5 real life cases of children he had placed. I got to see what the referral pictures look like and he let me read the medical records that came along with them.  It gave me a good sense of what to expect.  The pictures were so cute and I told him, "This is going to be so hard".  Just hard because when we get our referral, I'm sure we will fall in love with the child. We will know, however, that there is more to accepting the child than just seeing a photo.  There is making sure that the child's medical records don't show any serious risk factors that we weren't anticipating. 

The medicals are very thorough and a lot like ours in America.  They start off showing the age of the baby and physical description, give their weight, length and head circumference.  Each month since the baby was born there is a medical analysis and tests.  It says things like, "Baby smiles", "Baby can move an object from one hand to another", "Baby can hold it's head up".  It also states results of HIV, Syphilis and Hepatitis, which unless we request a child with special needs, we will see all negative test results there. The children are even vaccinated just like here in America, which was a shock to me for some reason.  Brent told me that Russia tends to overdo their medicals and over-diagnose as oppose to under-diagnose.  I was surprised because my stereotypes of international adoption were that you don't exactly know what you're gonna get as far as the health of your baby.  These medical reports were very thorough and state most everything I would want to know.

As soon as we get our referral, we will send the photo and medical report to a medical examiner who specializes in international adoption.  We will then have a phone consultation where she will translate the medical terminology and in her professional opinion, let us know of the risk factors relating to the child.  Based off this conversation and what we feel about the baby, we will make the final call to either move forward or move on to the next referral.  I do have to point out though, that although the medical reports are thorough, there are certain pieces of information that cannot be guaranteed.  We may not see the mother's name, the conditions of pregnancy, if the child was premature, or if the mother was exposed to drugs or alcohol.  We won't see family history either.

One common misconception about adopting from Russia is that most babies have fetal alcohol syndrome.  It is unfortunate, but drinking during pregnancy is pretty common in the country. Brent made me feel better about fetal alcohol syndrome, which I have never researched before, and told me that just like with down syndrome, babies with FAS have distinct facial features that make it easier to diagnose than other health issues.  Here is a photo of what a child with FAS typically would look like.

The medical examiner will take measurements of different areas of the face, and observe these specific signs and give us an opinion on the likelihood of the baby's risk of having it.  Sometimes it can be hard to tell based off of just one picture, especially one of an infant.  If we had some concern there are more ways that we could get more information such as asking the orphanage for more photos or when we travel to Russia and meet the child take photos ourselves and send them to the medical examiner back in the states to do more measurements and assessments.  Some orphanages will let you bring in a Russian doctor of your choice to do a medical examination on the child prior to your making a final decision.  I asked Brent how common it is that people will actually go all the way to Russia, meet the child, and then refuse him or her for whatever reason.  He said that in about 13 years he has only seen it happen twice. 

While researching FAS at home, I came across an article which was of a study of Russian orphans done between the years 1994-1997.  Below is an excerpt from this article:

"I recently reviewed 131 Russian medical abstracts. Seventeen of the abstracts revealed maternal alcohol ingestion during pregnancy. Of these 17 medical abstracts, two children met the strictest criteria for the diagnosis of FAS. This is a rate of 1.53% or 15 per 1000 births. The worldwide incidence is 1.9 per 1000 births according to Abel et al as discussed above. The rate of FAS in Russia is potentially eight times greater than the worldwide incidence based on my analysis. The birthrate in Russia is 1.4 million per year. With an incidence of FAS of 15 per 1000 live births, there could be 20,000 children with FAS born each year." (A chapter from Adoption and Prenatal Alcohol and Drug Exposure by Barth, Freundlich and Brodzinsky)

While there will be no guarantee about the health of our baby, there will be signs we can look for and with the help of a medical specialist, we can rule out some major risk factors.  Just as with pregnancy and having your own biological children, there are no guarantees that your child will come out "perfect". Many of you who are reading this know first hand what I am speaking of.   Unsuspecting things show up in children as minor as birth marks or skin tags, to more serious birth defects and disabilities.  Sure, there are ways of preventing certain things from happening to your growing fetus while pregnant, but other things are unexplainable or unpreventable.  God has a plan for each child and each family, and nothing is a mistake.  I have faith that Heavenly Father will send us the child He knows belongs with us. 

I felt really good after seeing with my own eyes some real referrals and medical charts, and can now visualize what we have in store for us and what we will be waiting for.  It has me so excited and nervous!  I am dreaming of the moment when the referral email shows up and we open it getting our first glance at our baby!  What a moment that will be!

One other thing that sticks out in my mind about our conversation was Brent's response to my asking the question, "How do Russian women feel when they give up their babies?". This was a very interesting conversation. He says that the difference between the reasons women give their children up in Russia vs America are drastically different, and in turn, their feelings about the process.  It really is hard for us to see life through the eyes of a Russian woman who gives her child up.  Russia is a poverty stricken country.  There is little birth control and women who give their children up for adoption commonly come from a lifestyle of living day to day to make ends meet.  They can barely afford to sustain their own life, let alone that of a child.  Many women have between 4 and 5 pregnancies and give all of their children up.  Placing their children in an orphanage is just a fact of life from women.  A very routine thing to do.  He says that in general, women give their babies up with the idea in their heads that life will be better for that child in anyone else's arms than hers.  She gives the baby up and moves on with her life, not wanting to inquire on where that child ever ended up. 

Here in America I think we see poverty as a reason why some women give their children up, but not the majority.  I'm sure there is grieving no matter where you come from, but there is a big difference when extreme poverty exists and is a factor.  Women in Russia don't really have the luxury of picking out the perfect family for their baby while they are pregnant and having that family right there in the hospital to take the baby home after delivery.  They don't have the luxury of state-funded programs to help them raise their children like we have in America. They don't have a foster system like we have in America where their child gets to live with real families until they are adopted.  The reality for a Russian woman who cannot keep her baby for whatever reason, is to place him in an orphanage and hope that someone will adopt him.  In Russia when a woman places her baby in an orphanage that is it.  No further contact is given to the birth parents and no information is given to the adoptive parents.  We may get lucky and get a mother's name, but that is it.  No father's info.  The baby is abandoned and the mother goes on with her life.

I told Brent that there are many reasons why I want to adopt an orphan in Russia versus a baby from America, but the main reason is exactly as he pointed out earlier.  In Russia, orphanages are overflowing with abandoned baby boys.  In America, birth moms can pick from hundreds of applicants lining up for their baby boy.  I am a healthy, very fertile woman.  I can have my own American baby if I want.  I want to save the life of a child who without me would otherwise have little chance of having a real family.  The realities of abandoned babies in Russia contrasts greatly with an infant available for adoption in America.

After an hour and a half long meeting, I left feeling confident in the agency and super excited about the journey!  Check out the website for Adoption Options for more information.  Be sure to look at their extensive photo gallery.  You can see hundreds of children that were adopted through their agency. They have a tri-annual picnic that we get to go to in October to meet a bunch of families which we are very much anticipating!

Visit Adoption Options: www.adoption-options.org

Please visit our website: www.TeamTinyTot.com

"Thick Skin"

Today didn't start off well.  I was at an event with a large group from my church celebrating Independance Day.  All was well until a friend of mine brought over a friend of hers and introduced me.  She said that this woman's sister adopted two chidren from Russia.  I was expecting some great story or some words of encouragement, but I quickly realized this was a sort of "intervention".  A friend who cares about me and my family and wants to protect us, and a woman with the perfect horror story to talk me out of it.  I felt completely cornered and attacked.  I understand that when you only know one person and that person had a bad experience, that this is all you know.  You then label every scenario as one that would go this same way. 

I tired to remain calm and sweet as I defended my position and all that I have researched, and shared with the woman a few of the success stories I have come across.  She had a very skeptical look on her face and kept chimming in, "I'm just warning you".  She made the comment, "my sister's kid is just retarded!".

Why do people feel the need to do this?  Do people just assume that I don't know anything about the process of international adoption or the risks?  Like I haven't researched it and carefully thought it through?  I hate ignorance and I absolutely can't stand it when people use one isolated case to make a point.  Honestly, it just made her look bad, and I shouldn't have given her or the conversation a second thought. 

I am not good at brushing things off when I feel offended.  It is something I am working on.  Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, and I need to understand that most people have no clue about international adoption, and the only thing they have to go off are stereotypes.  It just made me extra angry that this woman is a member of my church and understands Heavenly Father's plan and that we are all children of God.  Each child deserves love and deserves parents of their own.

While conversing with this woman I watched as a man walked by with his beautiful baby who has down syndrome.  I wanted to grab the lady and ask her if she would have warned this man in the same way she was warning me about how difficut it would be to raise his child with special needs?  Would she try to talk his wife out of having the baby?  I think not.  But for some reason, she felt it perfectly okay to try to talk me out of rescuing a baby boy from a life in an orphanage, with no chance of a normal, healthy life.

Throughout this process I have been told time and time again that I need to develop a thick skin if I am going to adopt.  There are going to be some high highs, and some low lows.  There will be hiccups in the process, delays and frustrations.  There will be great joys, triumphs and accomplishments.  There will be a ton of cheerleaders on the sidelines encouraging us on and there will be nay sayers tearing us down. 

I need to stay true to my heart and the prompting that Heavenly Father has given to me.  I need to seek out support from those who love me and believe in the Lord and His work.  I can't let the times when people try to "warn me" or "protect me" get me down or cause me to rethink everything.  I know that this will be a very emotional journey.  It already has been, and it's only been a week!  Everyone says though that along with the ups and downs, it is the most amazing life altering experience and I will so overjoyed when I have my baby boy in my arms and am able to give him a family and all the love that he deserves.  To know I saved his precious life and didn't allow some well-meaning, but ignorant people change my decision to adopt.

The point is that this is MY journey.  My family's journey.  My little boy's journey.  It's no one elses.

Please visit our website: www.TeamTinyTot.com

International Adoption Process: In a nutshell

The past few days have been crazy.  I have been in a whirlwind of emotion and haven’t been able to sleep or eat.  I feel like my world has been turned upside down since we made the official decision to adopt, and since making that decision all I have been doing is sitting on my computer researching everything you could think of that has to do with the process. 

The very first thing I did on Wednesday morning was call an adoption agency here in San Diego.  I looked online and found one that looked good called Adoption Options.  I called them up and spoke with the executive director.  I told him a little bit about myself and about what we are looking for.  I shared with him that we are just beginning the researching phase of adoption and need to know as much information as he is willing to give out.  I was on the phone with him for about an hour and I received a wealth of information and direction.  Below I will list some topics that we discussed and then give a description of what was concluded.

1.       What type of child do we want to adopt?  Since there is pretty much every kind of child available through adoption, all needing a family, I told him that since we already have two girls and just one boy, we are looking at getting a little boy.  We don’t want to mess up the birth order, as that can bring up issues with our biological children, so we would like a child who will be younger than Tennyson.  Keeping in line with the age gap between our children, we would like to get a child that will be between 1 and two years younger than Tennyson at the time we adopt.  We would like him to be blonde haired and blue eyed, as all 5 in our family already are blonde haired and blue eyed. We really want our baby boy to feel similar to us in as many ways as possible.

2.     How quickly does the process move and what is the longest amount of time the adoption process will take from start to finish? Considering we are looking for a Caucasian, blonde haired, blue eyed infant boy, the process is expected to go very quickly and should take just 8-10 months!  A great number of Russian orphans fit this description and baby boys are far more readily available than girls.  He says that most new couples adopting  are coming from backgrounds of infertility, a death of their own child or miscarriage, and most adoptions are led by the woman.  Women with any one of these backgrounds tend to choose baby girls because they feel like they will bond more with a girl more than a boy.  It’s interesting.  From the moment we apply at an agency, and after going through a home study which takes about 2 months to complete, we are looking at getting our first “referral” within 2 weeks!  A referral is when the agency matches a child to you.  We will receive a photo of the child and his medical records to review.

3.       What happens once we are matched with a child?  Once we are matched and have the picture and medical records of the child, we make an appointment with a medical examiner that specializes in international adoption.   He will translate the medical records and give us a risk assessment.  The risk assessment will make us aware of any known health problems or social issues the child is living with, and what level of care he will need if any.  Most children coming from a Russian orphanage will need some level of extra medical attention or social conditioning considering the effect of life in an institution.

4.       What happens next?  We either accept the referral, indicating that we do in fact want the child and to move on to the next phase of meeting him, or we deny the referral and wait for another one.  He says that it is most common for families to accept the first referral, but some pass up several to find their “perfect” match. One family he worked with passed up 9 referrals to finally settle on number 10!  Once we accept a referral, the agency files the paperwork, lets Russia know, and we wait a few weeks to get an “invite” to the orphanage where the baby lives.  We then begin making major travel plans.

5.       How do you get to Russia?  There are many steps and much paperwork that needs to be complete before even being eligible to go to Russia.  This includes getting a passport and Visa.  We would buy our plane tickets, arrange for a hotel, etc. 

6.       What happens once we get to Russia?  After a very long flight, I think I remember hearing around 22 hours, we will meet up with a translator.  I didn’t ask for tons of specifics about this particular phase in the adoption process, so I may be short of some steps in this phase.  Once we get our stuff settled into the hotel, we will drive with our translator to the orphanage and meet our baby.  We will get to spend a few hours with him and give confirmation to the orphanage that we do in fact want to go through with the adoption.  We would stay in Russia for about 3 days and each day visit the baby for a few hours in the orphanage.  On our third day, we would make the official decision if we are right to become a family and sign a document that says we are going to pursue his adoption. 

7.       What happens after our trip to Russia?  After a tearful goodbye, we will have to leave our baby in the orphanage and go back to the states and await a court date in Russia.  The waiting would take about 2 months.  Once we receive our official court date we would make preparations to fly once more to Russia.

8.       What happens on our second trip to Russia?  Once we are there, we will get to see our baby once more. A representative from the orphanage who has agreed we will be a good fit for the child and a translator will accompany us while we sit before a judge who will look over our case files and determine whether he sees us fit to adopt the child as well. If he does, he will make the adoption legal, and the baby will be ours. 

9.       What happens next?  Although we will be the legal parents of the child, Russian law states that there is a 30 day appeal period between your court date and the day you can take your child.  You fly back to America and wait a LONG 30 days to go pick up your child in Russia.

10.   3^rd trip to Russia:  BABY DAY!  We will get to take our baby out of the orphanage and bring him back to the states!

11.   What happens once we are back in the states?  When we get back home, we have to register our baby with the Russian embassy and he will be a Russian citizen until he is 18 years old.  At that time he can make the decision to become an American citizen or remain a Russian citizen.  We will be required to file updated medical records and education assessments every year for the first three years after adopting.  I could be wrong on the specifics of that, but that’s what I remember.

12.   What are the next steps for us in this process?  We need to check out different agencies and find one that has great ratings and is licensed and certified. We need to read reviews and speak to actual clients of the agency who will share their experiences and opinions.  He invited me to the agencies annual reunion picnic where adopted children and their families come together and celebrate at the beach.  I am really looking forward to that! Once we settle on an agency, the process begins.

13.   Can we start the process now even though we will be moving to Maryland in 7 months?  No.  Well actually, he said yes, but we would be on a very tight timeline and if something gets delayed in the process, our adoption could take longer.  He thinks that since baby boys are so readily available that we will get a referral right away, so it is possible that we could get everything completed, but he doesn’t want to risk it.  If we ended up having to move toward the end of the adoption, we could lose everything because Russia could make us start all over again.  If you change your address and do drastic things like change states, a whole new Home Study needs to be done and all new paperwork, so it just isn’t worth it. 

14.   So what should we do if we really like the agency here in San Diego?  I can contract with the agency here in San Diego as my “placement agency”, the one who will find us a child and take us through the whole adoption process.  I will also choose another agency in Maryland who I will only contract with to complete my home study.  Home studies are state mandated, so I have to have an agency close to us in Maryland to do this.

15.   How much does it cost?  $40,000.  Yes, you read that right, $40,000!  Why so much?  Well, I could break it all down for you, but pretty much it is for all the legalities associated with the adoption.  Court fees, agency fees, translator fees, medical examiner fees.  It also includes travel costs, documentation, food, you name it.  It’s not the actual child that costs money, it’s the process of getting the child handed over from an institution to a qualified family that costs money. 

16.   How do people pay for adoption?  FUNDRAISING.  A scary word at first, but the more I have been looking into it in the past few days, the more and more excited I am to raise money to give one precious, deserving little boy a family!  I just know that people’s hearts will be opened up when they hear of this cause and will be willing to help us to make it a reality.  There are other ways to get money for adoption including applying for grants through non-profit organizations, personal savings, taking out a loan and using credit cards.  The reality is that we cannot afford to pay for this adoption on our own.  We need a massive effort from our loved ones, friends, philanthropists, the community and strangers online to help raise the funds needed. 

After speaking with Adoption Options, I haven’t stopped brainstorming a plan on how we are going to get from here to there.  From deciding to adopt, to giving a little boy a family.  I have pages and pages of goals and plans, and now I just have to begin implementing them.  I pray that the Lord will keep me strong and guide me in the right direction.  I know that there are going to major hurdles along the way, but I pray that I have the support from everyone around me to keep me optimistic.

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