Released From Prison

My brother Ryan has been incarcerated for the past 11 years and was finally released on July 24th, 2012.  He was placed in prison after an unfortunate circumstance where his driving under the influence killed a 21 year old young man.  He was placed in a maximum security prison in Missouri along side rapists, murderers and pedophiles.  I don't know about you, but I happened to know more than a dozen people including myself who at one point or another in their lives have gotten behind the wheel of a car while under the influence.  How fortunate most of us are that the repercussions of such irresponsible actions weren't like those for my brother or the victim.

Most people, including my immediate family forgot about my brother.  It was just my mom and me who stood by him the whole time.  We were the only people he had to call.  The only people to send him money. The only people to send him letters and photos.  His only contact with the outside world and only sources of encouragement for him to keep his head on straight.  Out of sight out of mind I guess.  Life just keeps moving for most, and I know how easy it can be to get wrapped up in your own life and not think about the realities others are enduring.

This past year has been the long awaited countdown.  Each letter and conversation was all about how excited but how nervous my brother was about getting released.  While serving his time, he did everything he could to make it so he had the best chance of succeeding when released.  11 years he served and was disconnected from the real world.  11 YEARS!  Can you even imagine?  Stop and ponder this for a minute.  I am 32, and I am just thinking about everything I have done in my life since I was 21.  It is just unfathomable for me to think about the life my brother has been forced to live this whole time.  He has lived in an 8'x6' cell with just a single bed, tattered mattress, sink, toilet and a folded down desk.  He has been wearing the same uniform of blue drawstring pants and a white t-shirt for 11 years.  He has had to take his clothes off for guards, bend over and cough about 6 times a day.  He has worn shoes in the shower this entire time!  He has had to watch his back and witness murders right there in the prison yard. I could go on and on about the craziness that he has endured, but that would take forever.  I think he should write a book.

I hadn't spoke with Ryan in 3 or 4 weeks and was wondering what was going on.  I knew he was scheduled for release around the end of July, but hadn't gotten word until just the other week when he called me from a cell phone enthusiastically exclaiming that he had been released that morning.  The last I had heard from him, he had chosen to go from the prison to a halfway house where he would get some assistance with finding a job, and getting on his feet.  Then when we moved to Maryland he would transfer to live with us.  To my surprise, Ryan told me that an ex-girlfriend of his who knew he was getting out of prison had moved to St. Lewis, got them an apartment with very little money in her pocket, scrounged up some used furnishings and basic needs, and picked Ryan up from prison!  He was ecstatic and just as surprised as me... probably way more! 

It is such a joy to listen to him talk on the phone.  The appreciation he has for the tiniest things that you or I would never even notice.  He went to a Chinese restaurant and with eyes nearly popping out of his head from all of the choices he had, he pointed and picked what would become the best meal on the planet!  Being able to wake up in the middle of the night, get out of bed and go into the kitchen to grab a glass of water.  Stepping into the shower for the first time without shoes on.  Sitting on his front porch and watching the neighbor water his lawn.  Can you even imagine the kind of gratitude and awe he is experiencing right now?

As soon as Ryan got out of prison, he hit the ground running getting his life started.  He was given a Visa card of $500 of what he had saved during his time in prison and hit Walmart for some clothes and toiletries.  $500 isn't a lot to get a life started from scratch.  Although his girlfriend got them a place, she had worked out an arrangement with their landlord that gave them a little while to come up with the full amount for rent.  This woman is not very well off, but is doing the best she can for Ryan and herself.  Ryan told me that they are short $300 for rent and that he needs to get a job fast.  What do you do when in this type of a situation?  Well you literally walk the streets looking for work.  Yes, you heard me right.  I laughed at this a bit when he told me this is what he is doing and said, "So you're hooking yourself out?". My brother used to have his own construction company and he says the best way to get a construction job right away is to go to job sites and ask if they need extra help.  It's worked before when he needed a job, and he is confident he can do it again.  He has no motorized means for transportation so he is literally walking the streets of St. Lewis looking for work!

Ryan managed to get two job interviews lined up in one day!  I am hoping and praying for someone to give him some work.  I know that he will rock any job he is given.  After working in prison for around $.14 an hour doing hard labor, I think whoever picks him up is going to be blown away by his determination and with the quality of work they will get out of him.  Add to that a man who is desperate to survive and build a life, I'm sure whoever gives him a chance won't ever want to let him go!

One of the main concerns I had for Ryan getting out of prison was how he was going to make it.  Considering cost of living, how does someone who has been locked up for 11 years leave the system with just $500 and survive? It is almost like a homeless person being expected to just all of a sudden get washed up, have clothes for interviews, get a job, find a home, get transportation and pay bills.  I know how stressed I am over money and I have it pretty dang good in life!  I just can't even put myself in his situation right now.  It really is just an unthinkable scenario.

This reminds me of all that I have read about the statistics on children in Russia who live their whole lives in the institution and don't get adopted.  At age 15 or16 they are forced onto the streets.  They get their "freedom", but what they are really given is their death sentence.  Can you imagine a 16 year old who has never been in public before and has no income or job training and no family to take him in, being kicked out of the only home he has ever known?  What do you think the odds are of him making it?  Statistics show that nearly all of the children placed in this circumstance die in their 20's.  10% commit suicide within the first two years of "graduating" the orphanage or rather "being kicked out", and 70% of boys become hardened criminals.  The reasons very few live past their 20's is because they either kill themselves, contract a deadly communicable disease, overdose, or are killed. The statistics don't lie and it is devastating!

While talking with my brother on the phone he asked me if I can come up with the $300 to cover what they are missing for rent.  I could make a check out directly to the landlord.  At first I thought, "Well, I don't have that kind of money. I am pinching pennies as it is.  I have to pay for this and that...".  I told him that I would see what I could do for him and call him later.  When I got off the phone and pondered what he was asking, it was instantly crystal clear to me what needed to be done.  Of course I was going to come up with the money for him.  No question.  I would contribute what I could and then call around to find the rest.  Fortunately I was able to come up with it with just two phone calls to family who were more than willing to help out! 

How consumed I get with my own life.  With not having what other people have, or what I think I need.  With the mess in my home that just never seems to end.  With bills and paying off debt.  With getting to the gym right on time so I can get my perfect spot next to the instructor.  How perturbed I am when someone gets there before me and "takes" my place forcing me to stand back another row!  I know I am only human and I am just living my life.  Sometimes it takes someone else's situation to make me stop for a moment and reassess my own life.

There are people out there who really do need help.  They don't just want it.  Their livelihood and happiness actually depend on it.  I felt guilty that day after enjoying an amazing day at our pool with the kids, going grocery shopping and buying a bunch of organic food, talking on my brand new phone, and typing on my oh so perfect pink laptop.  All of these things I get to enjoy every day, yet I contemplated my ability to come up with the money for my brother who is just needing a roof over his head! I know that I deserve to enjoy the blessings that Heavenly Father gives to me, but how dare I have second guessed my providing the money that my brother so humbly asked me for.  How saddened I am at the thoughts that went through my head about the other things I "need" to do with that money.

At the same time I was feeling disappointed in myself for the moment of selfishness I had, my heart swelled with gratitude for the life that I have been blessed with and all of the amazing things I have.  I was finding even the most minute things such as cutting up a freshly picked lemon gratifying.  I looked around at my messy house and each thing piled up thinking, "Man, I love that sewing machine!  I love all those little hair clips that my girls have scattered all over the floor!"  As I unloaded my groceries I thought about how grateful I am for the privilege of having such amazing food.  

I don't know why, but I felt inspired to share this.  As I spoke with my mom on the phone the other night, I was overwhelmed with this sense that I have so much to learn in life.  I am amazed at how it is the tiniest things that happen in my life which make such significant impressions on me.  This request from my brother in need got my mind reeling about so many different things, which I will have to address individually at another date, but my message to you today is this...

Find a way to help others.

Especially when someone actually asks you for help.  I know not only from personal experience but from so many people I have talked to, that the act of an individual asking for help is extremely difficult.  I have a hard time calling people to ask to watch my kids while I go grocery shopping while my husband is deployed.  My grandma who can barely see and can't drive finds it demoralizing to ask people for help driving her to her doctor appointments.  I have a girlfriend who on several occasions has been on the brink of suicide and was too scared to ask her friends to just come be by her side or lend an ear.  My brother who just got out of prison after 11 years had to ask his little sister for money to help keep a roof over his head.  "Help" is not something that we regularly hear being shouted from the rooftops.  It is a quiet, sometimes unspoken word that people around us are whispering every day.  Make an effort to step out of your bubble and open your eyes and ears to the needs around you.  Do what you can to help make an impact in someone else's life.  I know that when my life comes close to an end I will ask myself, "What did you do with your life?  What kind of person were you?  What did you do to improve the world around you?".  I pray that I will feel fulfillment and peace with the answers I provide.