Today I had the honor of presenting a message to the congregation of my church on this Easter Sunday! I thought that many of you would enjoy reading it, so I have posted a copy of my talk here for your enjoyment. Happy Easter!
Good afternoon brothers and sisters. My name is Laura Marino and my husband, 3 children and I moved into the ward about a month and a half ago from San Diego California. I met my husband in Seattle Washington through a professional matchmaker. On our first blind date our matchmaker told me the basics about him including a brief description of his career, stating that he worked in aviation. Living in Seattle, WA, I just figured he worked for Boeing like everyone else. On our first date it was love at first sight, and during a restroom break about 30 minutes into dinner, I called my mom and told her that I had found the man that I was going to marry. Keiffer asked me what I was told about his career, and I told him our matchmaker said he works in aviation. With a smirk and a “Great, here we go” look on his face, he hesitantly clarified the ambiguity and said he was in the Navy. Let me tell you, never in a million years would I have dated someone in the military. I remember expressing my thoughts on the military many times over as a teenager and young adult saying, “I don’t know how anyone could marry someone in the military and have to cope with him leaving all the time, and being forced to move wherever the government tells you”. The uncertainty of a military life is something I could never see for myself. When I asked him if he deployed, he answered in the affirmative and my heart sank. Well what a predicament I had gotten myself into. Here I was, instantly in love with my prince charming, and there was no going back!
A month later we were engaged, and 4
months later married. At that point in my life I didn’t really know what kind
of trials lay before me, but I was certain that I would be able to handle
them. Keiffer’s first deployment in our
marriage was 6 months long and I got pregnant a few weeks before he left. My family was nearby, so I coped with it
pretty well. We were able to email and
Skype regularly which made his being gone less painful. A year and a half later, our second baby was
born and Keiffer received orders to move to San Diego CA. I was so excited to move to paradise, but
along with that excitement came the reality of 3 more years of the Navy taking
my husband away whenever they wanted. When in San Diego, Keiffer was regularly detached for 1 week to 3 week spans at a time.
His first deployment was on an aircraft carrier to the middle East for 8.5
months and I was home alone with our 2.5 year old, 1.5 year old and I was
pregnant with our third child. I can’t
tell you how hard that time was for me.
There was little communication with my husband and I had to rely heavily
on my ward family to help me cope with this trial. I was so ready for his deployments to end so
that we could be a family again.
When Keiffer came home from that
deployment, although thrilled to see us, I could tell there was something
wrong. He tried to keep it a secret so
as not to disrupt our joyous reunion, but he couldn’t hide the upset on his
face as he tried to resist telling me.
He regretfully exclaimed that he received word that he would be sent
back out to sea for another deployment in 7 months, and it would be for 6
months on another ship. My world
shattered. At nearly 9 months pregnant,
those are not the words that I wanted to hear!
When my youngest was just 6 months old, Keiffer was off again, out to
sea on a supply ship around the world.
Once again, very little communication and now I was home with three little
ones under the age of 4, alone to bear the brunt of all the responsibilities of
taking care of our family.
When we had just reached the half-way
point in his deployment and I was getting ready to celebrate, I got a
disturbing call from Keiffer letting me know that his deployment had been
extended 6 weeks, which left me irate. 6
weeks after that, he called saying he was extended another 6 weeks. With the perpetual pushing of his homecoming
I had just about all I thought I could take.
I had a hard time making sense of it
all, and single motherhood was taking its toll.
My faith and my ability to cope were wearing thin. I knew
that my faith was the only thing that was going to get me by. Deep down I knew that this great trial was
placed in our lives for a reason, although hard to see at that moment. I remained faithful and somehow managed to
round up all three kids each Sunday to get to church on time. I stayed busy with the beach, the pool and
numerous social activities. I relied
heavily on my friends and my ward to keep my spirits high in this unthinkable
scenario. I can tell you that I have
never prayed so fervently than during that time. I became closer to my Heavenly Father and truly
felt His love and support for me.
We received orders to move here to
Maryland and I was very excited to move to a bigger home, and be close to all
of the eastern states, so I could see if east coast living is in our future
come retirement. But the biggest thing to
look forward to was Keiffer’s being transferred to shore duty, with no chance
to deploy for two years! What I wasn’t
expecting were the many trials which I would face in the process of moving
across country. Leaving my friends, a
city I grew to love, and everything that I had known and enjoyed and moving
back to a small town, pregnant with my fourth child and trying to find a place
and a new life here. I can’t say it has
been easy for me. For about a month I
was a lost, bitter person looking to the past and not wanting to face the
future. I knew that my only saving grace
would be to look toward Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ for the answers to my
afflictions, for comfort in this time when I was feeling lost and questioning
everything.
My trials as a military spouse are no
different that trials that each one of you face. Sure, the particulars and magnitude of your
trial may be different, but when faced with adversity, no matter what the
circumstance or brevity, we all go through the same process of trying to
understand and cope. We first ask
ourselves why? Why is this happening to
me? What did I do to deserve this? We search for understanding in the trial
itself. We then feel the heavy burden of
our trial and our emotions take hold. We
get sad, angry, confused, unsure and often times we begin to blame. We blame others for what is happening to
us. We blame ourselves. And so many times we look to our Heavenly
Father and place blame on Him for allowing these trials to occur.
Do you ever find yourself comparing your
life and trials to others around you? Have
you ever looked at a family in church and see that they are doing everything
right? You know they pay their tithing,
they attend church every week, they hold regular family home evening, they know
their scriptures from front to back. You
hear of blessings pouring into their lives and you wonder why they don’t have
the kinds of trials that you do. You say
to yourself, “Hey, I’m doing all of those right things. Why am I not being blessed in the ways that
they are?”
As part of Heavenly Father's plan of
redemption, all people experience adversity during their lifetime. Trials,
disappointments, sadness, sickness, and heartache are a difficult part of
life. We don’t know when they will
happen, but we can be confident that they will in deed come. With the help of the Lord these trials and
adversities can lead us to spiritual growth, refinement, and progress.
Our lord and savior Jesus Christ was the
only perfect person to ever live. He is
the only man who had never once sinned, and yet he suffered in one of the worst
ways imaginable. He took upon himself
the sins of all men. In the garden of
Gethsemane, “which suffering caused myself, even God, the greatest of all, to
tremble because of pain, and to bleed at every pore, and to suffer both body
and spirit- and would that I
might not drink the bitter cup, and shrink…” 1 In suffering, Jesus
speaks to Heavenly Father saying, “If thou be willing, remove this cup from me:
nevertheless not my will, but thine, be
done.”2
Would it be that the only perfect
person, our savior, could experience such afflictions, but we would be spared
in this mortal life from them?
In October of 2006, 34 year old high
school teacher Abby Rike, who had given birth to her son Caleb just 2.5 weeks
prior, was feeling chest pains and decided to go to the emergency room to get
checked out. Abby didn’t want anyone to
come with her to the ER and be exposed to any of the germs, so her husband Rick
who was also a teacher in the same school decided to take their 5.5 year old
daughter Macy and newborn son in their
mini van to run some errands while Abby went the other direction to the
ER. Midway through waiting at the ER
she tried calling her husband, but there was no answer. At this point he should have been home. She called and called and just knew something
was wrong. She left the ER without
having seen a doctor and headed home.
Passing the lights of ambulances, she quickly found out that her family
was in a head on collision which left no survivors. In an instant Abby’s life was shattered and
her entire family was taken from her.
As you can imagine, Abby’s family meant
everything to her. They made her
everything she was and she decided from the day of the accident that she was
not going to dishonor them by falling apart. Abby made the decision that she
was going to live. She says in her own words, “For a long time it was strictly
survival. And then kinda got to
existing, and then it was an anniversary date and I was sitting around
thinking, I want more. There is a reason
why I wasn’t in that van with them.
There is a reason that I am still here, and this isn’t good enough. Grief is horrendous on the body. Grief just takes it’s tole and you just feel like
you are in molasses and its effort to get out of bed every day”3. Looking back she couldn’t believe the way she
coped. She was still on maternity leave
and made the decision to stay as busy as possible to ease the pain. She went back to work, finishing out the
school year, and even coached the debate team.
She then went on to earn her master’s degree. Over the course of 2.5 years she gained 100
pounds trying to handle the grief in her own strength. She felt, “This is hopeless. I can’t do it. As strong as I think I am trying to be, I am
failing miserably. There is a lot of
beauty when you get to that place because at that point if it seems possible in
your own mind, it doesn’t really require faith.
I finally had to say, I can’t do it.
And when I truly finally said, I can’t do it alone, God became
everything He, He had always been that, it’s just that I got to know him in a
way more authentic way. Immediately I
felt God’s grace, but it took 2.5 years to grieve.”4 At that point
Abby was so desperate to feel better that she decided to go on the popular
television show The Biggest Loser where she stayed on the show for 8 weeks and
eventually lost the 100 pounds she had gained.
She says, “I would have never functioned without my faith. I never believed that life would be this
good. That you can know joy despite
hideous circumstance.”5
We do not know why Heavenly Father
places trials in our lives and why the timing seems to be at the most
inopportune time. Just as life seems to
be coasting by, we are met with unforeseen challenges that can shake our faith
and disrupt our lives. I know that looking to Jesus Christ and the Atonement
can help sinners, victims and those just struggling to get through the day to day
grind, find contentment with life here on this earth and with the cards that
have been dealt to them. To find joy in
what awaits them in the hereafter, but also joy in knowing that life here will
not be perfect and will be filled with trials.
“My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine
adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; and then if thou
endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy
foes. Thy friends do stand by thee, and
they shall hail thee again with warm hearts and friendly hands.” 6
Trials help bring us to our knees. They help us look in places we never looked
before for the help that we need. The
only help we truly need in this existence is that of the lord. I know that by following his example, our
lives can be rich and full. And we will
have blessings on earth and in the eternity.
Of a truth, anything that is unfair
about life can be made right through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. The way
that we apply this power is through simple actions of our faith such as prayer,
scripture study, church attendance and making covenants or promises. Whenever
we make these promises with God, such as baptism, we are further applying the
Atonement in our lives. The power of the Atonement is something we can have
faith in and we need only apply it to learn for ourselves. Three days after Jesus laid down his life He
rose from the tomb and the atonement was fulfilled. A path was made for us to repent, be
resurrected and live with Heavenly Father and our loved ones again. Oh happy Easter day that the plan would be
fulfilled! Jesus taught, “In the world
ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world” 7
Although our responses to adversity will
vary, one response should be constant—trust in Heavenly Father and Jesus
Christ. The prophet Alma taught, “Whosoever shall put their trust in God shall
be supported in their trials, and their troubles, and their afflictions, and
shall be lifted up at the last day” 8
I say these things in the name of our
merciful savior, Jesus Christ, amen.
References
1: (D&C 19:18)
2: (Luke 22:42)
3: You Tube (Abby Rike Works It Out-
Better)
4-5: You Tube (Abby Rike: Working It Out)
6: (D&C 121:7-9)
7: (John 16:33)
8: (Alma 36:3)
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