International Adoption Process: In a nutshell

The past few days have been crazy.  I have been in a whirlwind of emotion and haven’t been able to sleep or eat.  I feel like my world has been turned upside down since we made the official decision to adopt, and since making that decision all I have been doing is sitting on my computer researching everything you could think of that has to do with the process. 

The very first thing I did on Wednesday morning was call an adoption agency here in San Diego.  I looked online and found one that looked good called Adoption Options.  I called them up and spoke with the executive director.  I told him a little bit about myself and about what we are looking for.  I shared with him that we are just beginning the researching phase of adoption and need to know as much information as he is willing to give out.  I was on the phone with him for about an hour and I received a wealth of information and direction.  Below I will list some topics that we discussed and then give a description of what was concluded.

1.       What type of child do we want to adopt?  Since there is pretty much every kind of child available through adoption, all needing a family, I told him that since we already have two girls and just one boy, we are looking at getting a little boy.  We don’t want to mess up the birth order, as that can bring up issues with our biological children, so we would like a child who will be younger than Tennyson.  Keeping in line with the age gap between our children, we would like to get a child that will be between 1 and two years younger than Tennyson at the time we adopt.  We would like him to be blonde haired and blue eyed, as all 5 in our family already are blonde haired and blue eyed. We really want our baby boy to feel similar to us in as many ways as possible.

2.     How quickly does the process move and what is the longest amount of time the adoption process will take from start to finish? Considering we are looking for a Caucasian, blonde haired, blue eyed infant boy, the process is expected to go very quickly and should take just 8-10 months!  A great number of Russian orphans fit this description and baby boys are far more readily available than girls.  He says that most new couples adopting  are coming from backgrounds of infertility, a death of their own child or miscarriage, and most adoptions are led by the woman.  Women with any one of these backgrounds tend to choose baby girls because they feel like they will bond more with a girl more than a boy.  It’s interesting.  From the moment we apply at an agency, and after going through a home study which takes about 2 months to complete, we are looking at getting our first “referral” within 2 weeks!  A referral is when the agency matches a child to you.  We will receive a photo of the child and his medical records to review.

3.       What happens once we are matched with a child?  Once we are matched and have the picture and medical records of the child, we make an appointment with a medical examiner that specializes in international adoption.   He will translate the medical records and give us a risk assessment.  The risk assessment will make us aware of any known health problems or social issues the child is living with, and what level of care he will need if any.  Most children coming from a Russian orphanage will need some level of extra medical attention or social conditioning considering the effect of life in an institution.

4.       What happens next?  We either accept the referral, indicating that we do in fact want the child and to move on to the next phase of meeting him, or we deny the referral and wait for another one.  He says that it is most common for families to accept the first referral, but some pass up several to find their “perfect” match. One family he worked with passed up 9 referrals to finally settle on number 10!  Once we accept a referral, the agency files the paperwork, lets Russia know, and we wait a few weeks to get an “invite” to the orphanage where the baby lives.  We then begin making major travel plans.

5.       How do you get to Russia?  There are many steps and much paperwork that needs to be complete before even being eligible to go to Russia.  This includes getting a passport and Visa.  We would buy our plane tickets, arrange for a hotel, etc. 

6.       What happens once we get to Russia?  After a very long flight, I think I remember hearing around 22 hours, we will meet up with a translator.  I didn’t ask for tons of specifics about this particular phase in the adoption process, so I may be short of some steps in this phase.  Once we get our stuff settled into the hotel, we will drive with our translator to the orphanage and meet our baby.  We will get to spend a few hours with him and give confirmation to the orphanage that we do in fact want to go through with the adoption.  We would stay in Russia for about 3 days and each day visit the baby for a few hours in the orphanage.  On our third day, we would make the official decision if we are right to become a family and sign a document that says we are going to pursue his adoption. 

7.       What happens after our trip to Russia?  After a tearful goodbye, we will have to leave our baby in the orphanage and go back to the states and await a court date in Russia.  The waiting would take about 2 months.  Once we receive our official court date we would make preparations to fly once more to Russia.

8.       What happens on our second trip to Russia?  Once we are there, we will get to see our baby once more. A representative from the orphanage who has agreed we will be a good fit for the child and a translator will accompany us while we sit before a judge who will look over our case files and determine whether he sees us fit to adopt the child as well. If he does, he will make the adoption legal, and the baby will be ours. 

9.       What happens next?  Although we will be the legal parents of the child, Russian law states that there is a 30 day appeal period between your court date and the day you can take your child.  You fly back to America and wait a LONG 30 days to go pick up your child in Russia.

10.   3^rd trip to Russia:  BABY DAY!  We will get to take our baby out of the orphanage and bring him back to the states!

11.   What happens once we are back in the states?  When we get back home, we have to register our baby with the Russian embassy and he will be a Russian citizen until he is 18 years old.  At that time he can make the decision to become an American citizen or remain a Russian citizen.  We will be required to file updated medical records and education assessments every year for the first three years after adopting.  I could be wrong on the specifics of that, but that’s what I remember.

12.   What are the next steps for us in this process?  We need to check out different agencies and find one that has great ratings and is licensed and certified. We need to read reviews and speak to actual clients of the agency who will share their experiences and opinions.  He invited me to the agencies annual reunion picnic where adopted children and their families come together and celebrate at the beach.  I am really looking forward to that! Once we settle on an agency, the process begins.

13.   Can we start the process now even though we will be moving to Maryland in 7 months?  No.  Well actually, he said yes, but we would be on a very tight timeline and if something gets delayed in the process, our adoption could take longer.  He thinks that since baby boys are so readily available that we will get a referral right away, so it is possible that we could get everything completed, but he doesn’t want to risk it.  If we ended up having to move toward the end of the adoption, we could lose everything because Russia could make us start all over again.  If you change your address and do drastic things like change states, a whole new Home Study needs to be done and all new paperwork, so it just isn’t worth it. 

14.   So what should we do if we really like the agency here in San Diego?  I can contract with the agency here in San Diego as my “placement agency”, the one who will find us a child and take us through the whole adoption process.  I will also choose another agency in Maryland who I will only contract with to complete my home study.  Home studies are state mandated, so I have to have an agency close to us in Maryland to do this.

15.   How much does it cost?  $40,000.  Yes, you read that right, $40,000!  Why so much?  Well, I could break it all down for you, but pretty much it is for all the legalities associated with the adoption.  Court fees, agency fees, translator fees, medical examiner fees.  It also includes travel costs, documentation, food, you name it.  It’s not the actual child that costs money, it’s the process of getting the child handed over from an institution to a qualified family that costs money. 

16.   How do people pay for adoption?  FUNDRAISING.  A scary word at first, but the more I have been looking into it in the past few days, the more and more excited I am to raise money to give one precious, deserving little boy a family!  I just know that people’s hearts will be opened up when they hear of this cause and will be willing to help us to make it a reality.  There are other ways to get money for adoption including applying for grants through non-profit organizations, personal savings, taking out a loan and using credit cards.  The reality is that we cannot afford to pay for this adoption on our own.  We need a massive effort from our loved ones, friends, philanthropists, the community and strangers online to help raise the funds needed. 

After speaking with Adoption Options, I haven’t stopped brainstorming a plan on how we are going to get from here to there.  From deciding to adopt, to giving a little boy a family.  I have pages and pages of goals and plans, and now I just have to begin implementing them.  I pray that the Lord will keep me strong and guide me in the right direction.  I know that there are going to major hurdles along the way, but I pray that I have the support from everyone around me to keep me optimistic.

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